Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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