I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
