he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
