Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
