My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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