I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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