I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
