I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
