I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
