it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
