I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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