Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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