like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
