Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
