I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
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You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
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By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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