I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
