I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Randomize
