You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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