wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
