Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
