drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
All the doctor said was why
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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