I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
