my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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