i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
