Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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