I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
