Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
