After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
