I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
