ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
