I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
