We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
