i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
