You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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