I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
