Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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