yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
