phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
