Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
