I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize