Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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