Kiss
Puke
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
