I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
