i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
