God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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