also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
