Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
