I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
