you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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