Your dad touched me again.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
