I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
