Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
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