My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
