Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
