JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
His nipple licking is glorious
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