have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
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I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
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I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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