I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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