im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
