This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
