I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
