hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
