i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
