i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
