Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
