When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
