Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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