I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
