Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
