my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
