did you get engaged???
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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