She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
