So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
