I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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