Old men and throwing up are my life now.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
